Peter sent me this little movie today. I had forgotten about it. He made it for Doug and me as part of an invite for a couples wedding shower back in 2002 he and Mary threw for us. Peter wrote and performed the song and um, searched for the photos. We found most of them under Mom and Dad's bed, actually. And today I'm sharing it with you. All comments and questions welcomed. It was a great party, by the way. :-)

~Anne

This one goes out to Mary.

Thanks for the encouragement, chicas.

XOXOXO

~Anne

What Baby Center says about Bimp at 28 weeks: By this week, your baby weighs a little over 2 pounds and measures about 14.8 inches from the top of his head to his heels. He can open his eyes — which now sport lashes — and he'll turn his head toward a continuous, bright light from the outside. His fat layers are beginning to form, too, as he gets ready for life outside the womb. If you are a new mother over 35 and on bed rest, try putting a hibiscus bloom in your hair to visually distract from the fact that you now weigh a startling one hundred and fifty freaking pounds.

~:T A S T E • M E:~

Dear Bimp Fans,

Went to the Dr. this morning for a check up ultrasound and got back these wonderful photos. I am feeling more at ease. Bimp has turned into the correct birthing position, though he's likely to move around and shift positions again as he's not as cramped as he will be in 3 months. His head is down and feet up. This photo is of his beautiful face. Little monkey was looking right at us. I can't tell if he's got a Doug or Anne face. Probably his mouth is from my side of the family - but does he have the Elser nose or jaw line - chin? Mom? Auntie Becky? Can you guys tell?

Next time we go back in 3 weeks to see if the placenta has moved. It still has not as of today. In fact, upon closer inspection, it appears to be a full placenta previa. That's not good. Things are still uncertain as to whether or not it will resolve. The closer we get to 37 weeks, the more we'll know about whether we'll have a c-section or not. We still have to be patient. Arrrg.

They congratulated me on making it to 28 weeks with no overly alarming symptoms. So my activity level is good. I have all my fine students to thank for that - as well as family and friends who have come over to help out. Every little thing you guys do ensures Bimp of a healthier birth and life. It's like every step I do not take on my feet counts as one less percent of a chance for complications. So I thank you all. We both do.

I can't tell you how amazing it was to see his little face. Looking right at me. His mouth moved open, then shut. His little body squirmed. He looked so very cozy up there on the screen. This little chubby boy in my tummy. And he did the cutest thing. He sucked on his arm. NOT his thumb. His arm! We saw his little tongue move, too. Boy, was he happy.

When my baby brother Peter was an infant, Mom used to "taste" his arm to get him to fall asleep. She'd give him little soft horse nibbles on the inside of his arm. Put him right to sleep. "Taste me?" he'd say after a story. Well, his little 2 year old daughter Mia does the same thing now. When she gets tired, she offers the inside of her arm to you. "Taste me!" She's a little more forceful about it. Cutest thing.

So you can't imagine what fun it was to drive home from the appt. and call Mom to tell her Bimp was tasting himself for us. Little hungry bird sure is half Dusenberry!

I am having a happy, happy day. I got to see Bimp.

~:T H E • S K I N • I'M • I N:~

So I had a really creepy dream last night.

There was this preteen boy who was born without skin. All of his organs and tendons and muscles were showing. It was scary to look at. His Aunt had decided to help him. She gave him the skin on her face. I didn't see him after the transplant surgery, but I saw her. She used to be an attractive woman. But now looked very strange with scars and stitches and transplanted pigskin stretched over her face, neck and head. She was in the mall, shopping. She had no more hair. And I remember admiring her for such a sacrifice. To live the rest of your life out looking like a burn victim, just so your nephew could feel a little more comfortable, was remarkable. She was out shopping for scarves and hats and wigs. She was happy to do it. The way she looked didn't seem to phase her. It was her maternal instincts that kicked in to try to help this boy. She saw the bigger picture.

And here I am, worried about how I look. Feeling fat and bloated. My face doesn't look like my own anymore. At least not to me. My hair is too think to style it the way I want to. My thighs are twice the size they used to be. I am thinking I'll never be the same. Envious of people jumping in and out of their cars, zipping around, standing tall, in movement, getting things done.

I am still. I am heavy. My back hurts constantly. I am getting tired of eating the same thing. I am tired of eating. All I can do is sit. And wait. And complain. Rather than bask in the joy of maternal love and sacrifice, I cry because I am afraid of the worst outcome and I complain about what I am giving up and about how badly I feel. I can't do half of what that Aunt in my dream is doing. Or maybe I can and don't know it yet.

Yesterday I felt Sir Bimp hiccup for the first time. And I counted fifty three of them. It was lovely and silly and ridiculously fun. Then he kicked me so hard that my thighs jiggled. Really. Tomorrow we go in for another ultrasound and check up. I get to wear real clothes! And shoes! So we'll see if he's shifted and where to. I can feel larger, more broad movements. Eeek! We have also reached our 28 week goal, which means the first two trimesters are finis. yay! We have made it to the third. Time to celebrate. Sitting down, of course. We'll keep you posted.

~:I N K E D • W I T:~

We had another great day out here in the PC Dunwoody campus. Started out the day with Calligraphy and ended with Promotion Design. Two very sharp groups of students. The morning group arrived with bagels. Thank you! We presented concepts first and then moved on to calligraphy demonstrations and tacking those gorgeous copperplate capitals. Take a look at these close up photos of everyone's work.They're all catching on FIZAST! Dave got extra points for matching his layouts. Larry bonded with Bjorn, who camped out on him for a mid-morning nap.

Mary began forming whole words out of the beautiful letters we're mastering. Interesting choices she made. I've got 2 questions, though. What is a Penis Wagon and who is Richard? Her anonymous commenter, perhaps?

In the afternoon we had a delightful discussion in Promotion Design about apple and technology and all that comes with it - more importantly all that doesn't and should come with it. We bounced around a bunch of killer ideas. On a lighter note, take a closer look at the pink photo collage up top. What's up with Boris's sketchbook cover? {grin}

~Anne

Hey, bed rest isn't so bad! Clizasses today went splendidly well. The first quarter group installed their first Emotive Type word experiments on the wall, followed by presentations of their flip book concepts. Hanging the dirty words in 2 weeks should be fun. Remind me to take those down, tho before inviting my grandmother over for tea. Anyhow, this sharp group catches on FIZAST! Fun to watch. Mick heated up some delicious soup and tossed a salad for my lunch before leaving. Such a nice guy.

Click here for more photos of our fun together.

Then came the 3rd quarter Type is Mass group. Also lotsa fun. We read scripts together before each person presented their concepts. Noah (now recovered from last week's emotional scarring) chose Scent of a Woman and won the prize for the most passionate delivery. He does a mighty convincing Al Pacino. Who knew? Hannah's type collages were beautifully done. She's doing Amelie with a twist of Art Nouveau flavor. That'll be fun. Everyone's delivery was great. So expect some great playbills this quarter. I'm excited!

Tomorrow we have the Calligraphy kids and will be focusing on the upper case letter forms. Then comes the Promotion Design class, who will be putting Apple to shame. Stay tuned.

~:B I M P ' S • C R I B:~

For the past 2 weeks, Mom has been in and out of the house, checking up on me, feeding me, cleaning and blitzing the house, shopping for groceries and buying furniture for the nursery. God bless her. Dad's also been helping her and checking in on me. When she started, we had an empty nursery. But today we don't! After moving a few choice pieces of furniture around, we had the room pretty well set up. It's amazing how quickly things come together. Ummm, especially if you're sitting and just watching it happen. I am very lucky.

One of the cool things we did at first was to purchase a vintage Hoosier Kitchen. This is a piece of furniture called a kitchen, before a kitchen was a room. Just a cabinet with tons of drawers, cubbies and cupboards. There's a flour bin and sifter on the far left, with a tin drawer for storing bread on the right. There is also a handy movable tin shelf you can tuck in or pull out. I've got one in my studio that I make good use of. I grew up with this thing in my bedroom for years. We decided instead of a dresser or changing table, one of these cool pieces would be ideal for changes and baby equipment. Got this piece in Clayton, GA before I was doomed to bed rest. So we built the rest of the room starting with this one piece.

Mom went to an all-things-baby resale shop called Cribitz. That's where she got everything else you see here in this lovely photo. There are more detailed photos for you to see if you'd like to take a look. Pretty cool. She found custom made curtains (the long pieces on either side of the window) that matched perfectly the red toile valance I made years ago. Uncanny. The ochre walls screamed for natural wood and a hint of red accents, which make the room warm and soothing without appearing blanched or dusted with white, which is not what we wanted. Also custom made was the crib bumper and dust ruffle. Beautiful pieces you can't buy at BabiesRUs. Everything you see here was gently used and at a terrificly discounted price. We even got 2 strollers (one for us, one for Mom and Dad - remember that they live less than 2 miles from us and will be watching the Bimp while I teach at the beginning of the week!) and a rocking bassinet for our bedroom.

Woo hoo! We spent the afternoon in this new lovely room just looking around and soaking in the space. I feel a great relief at having this stage completed. Only thing left to do is fill it with toys and clothes and gear, etc. And continue to let Bimp gain weight in my peaceful belly. Oh! One more thing I want to do is to paint a big black beautiful "A" above Bimp's crib. Think I'll ask my auntie Kris to do that one for me, since I'll be sittin' for a while.

Thanks to the generous help of my friend Molly, who has just made it through the first few months of her baby girl Suzanna's life. Molly guided me through the BabiesRUs labyrinth and helped me choose the right gear. I've got 3 registries set up, one of which is full of all the storybooks I loved as a child. Things are starting to become real and very, very fun.

~:B I M P • W E A R:~

BimpFans, I have begun in earnest to monogram as much clothing for Bimp as possible before he arrives. Now that my feet are of no use, my hands are picking up the slack. Because I am a show off and love to share, I've added this collection of monogrammed attire for your viewing pleasure.

We have decided on a name! But are not ready to share. Sorry? Sorry. So we can't tell you what the "A" stands for. Only that it's fo sheezy NOT one of the following names:

Aakarshan
Abbott
Adolf (um... I think that one's been taken)
Abundiantus
Ace
Achilles
Adonis
Agamemnon
Akeem
Alistar
Amadeus
Anakin
Antwon
Apple (WHAT was she thinking?!)

~:H O M E S C H O O L I N G:~

We began classes here at the Portfolio Center Dunwoody campus Monday morning at 8:00. Everything went really well. I opened up about what's going on with the pregnancy to all my students (Mick just about fainted when I told him what a placenta was) and then we had a very entertaining and enlightening discussion about what makes each one of us tick. It seems we're all in this together and while my current challenge may be unique at the moment, we're all struggling together to illuminate ourselves. That's what learning's all about. Next to that struggle, I enjoy very much the discussion of it. So I have to say that even more so now, while I'm limited as to what I can do physically, teaching is one of the most fulfilling things I do. (um, and it's just about the ONLY thing I do now!) Poof - my day flew by. And I slept very soundly that night.

FIRST, I have to thank Rachel from Baton Rouge for fixing me soup for lunch on Monday and the lovely ladies of Calligraphy for lunch on Tuesday - Colleen, Mary, and Audrey. : )

Bjorn also really enjoyed himself - giving everyone an enthusiastic greeting as they walked up the door. We had just one injury. Noah, god bless him, walked right through the 2 foot chicken wire fence we put up for Bjorn. Poor guy. We heard the scratch of wire against pavement, his art bin tumble and rattle with its contents. The twwwwangggggg of his metal ruler, (which thank goodness did not impale him) the rustle and wrinkle of the pages of his sketchpad - all followed by an exasperated sigh. Oops. Sorry, Noah. And then laughter to see him bent over like a swiss army knife across our front walkway. Lucky, he was not seriously injured. Noah did, however, manage to nick his shin on the sharp edge of my coffee table and also successfully startled Bjorn enough to get a growl and possible nip from his miniature papillon fangs. Bad dog! Again - sorry Noah. I laughed so hard (as did the rest of us) that Hannah suggested I stop before possibly giving premature birth.

I am sorry I do not have a picture of this. But rest assured. We will make our fence more visible, as unsightly as it already is. It was at this point that my husband suggested we get more liability insurance.

The photo you see here is of Jordan, who graciously made brownies. Little did I know, Jordan's a vegan. What a nice guy to break 2 eggs without saying a word.

I also must thank Jeff for delivering the contents of my cubby from the school to my house very early that Monday morning. All the time smiling and cheery. And I must say that Justin makes a FINE copy boy.

Day two of teaching was just as lovely. Rose emptied my dishwasher without my asking her, which really, REALLY pleased Doug, who cringes at the sound and texture of his fingers touching warm squeeky clean glasses. So he thanks you.

Mary brought me a very educational vintage "how to be a mother" book printed by the Georgia Department of Health. Apparently, I have to put my hair in braids and wear a smock from here on out. Interesting! And Doug can't be anywhere around. It really must be strictly a girl thing.

So thank you to everyone who helped. Next week should be really fun, as we look at concepts and discuss our options. I'll be updating the PC Home School Page as the quarter progresses and promise to take lots of fun pictures.

Back to my sudoku. XO

~Anne

Um. I would like some attention, please. I will stare at you until I get some. I will have it. I will HAVE the attention.

Give it to me. Let me get a little bit closer. Here. Like this. I can stay here all night if I have to. I will not give up. No sirreeee. I will be a patient and quiet husband. And you will give me the attention. Give it to me. Give. Give it.

I'm still here. Staring at you. Give it. Give me the attention.
Attention. Atten.

Tion.

Att. Ah.


Wuh.




Hmmphnh.





Damn!

Um. I would like some attention, please. I will stare at you until I get some. I will have it. I will HAVE the attention.

Give it to me. Let me get a little bit closer. Here. Like this. I can stay here all night if I have to. I will not give up. No sirreeee. I will be a patient and quiet mouse. And you will give me the attention. Give it to me. Give. Give it.

I'm still here. Staring at you. Give it. Give me the attention.
Attention. Atten.

Tion.

Att. Ah.


Wuh.




Hmmphnh.





Damn!

~:2 6 • W E E K S:~ Well, the Bimp is Coming page has now been updated. We are at 26 weeks. In 2 weeks, we'll officially be over the second trimester and safely into the third, which is a huge milestone. The nurses said I had several magic numbers to make it to, 28 being the first. I already have a hard time picturing being any bigger than I already am. Mary mentioned in a recent post the importance of living in the now. This whole experience is forcing me to do that.

Tomorrow Doug goes to PC to rummage through the Elser cubby for supplies and books. We'll be setting up shop Sunday night to be ready for the students by Monday at 8:00AM. As long as I stay in one place on the couch, I should be fine.

Doug took Bjorn today to the groomer. Found the greatest little place in Dunwoody called "Robin's Groomingdales", right next to the knit shop I waste our savings on. Groomingdale's has VERY reasonable prices. He got a bath, and trim for just $20.00. Pets are People, Too charge a fortune, and they're not available every day of the week for grooming. PetsMart is expensive, too. Anyway - I'm sure I'm boring you all with these details. Honestly - I just love the opportunity to keystroke information. And to talk about my BjornMouse - WHO has has a tough time adjusting to being ignored. I have not picked him up all week and only was able to brush him twice. He's looking a little lonely. Has not had a walk in way too long. So when you guys get here - play fetch with him? Poor guy. But he looks great. Smells great. They gave him a little blue bandanna with motorcycles, lighting bolts and red flames. He looks mighty masculine and threatening now. Oooftah.

I did my nails today. And I helped fold laundry. Something productive that you can see! Other than sit still for Bimp. I'm camped out downstairs with Doug in the living room today - looking out the window at our dogwood tree. We keep our Christmas lights on the trunk because we are lazy and it's such a pain to take them off. I am thinking that because my view of this tree is one of the few I see these days, that we should light it up again at night.

Dat's about it. Lots of hugs, kisses and a wave hello. I'm about to watch the Porn documentary. Expect a full report soon.

Ah ha! Presenting ANOTHER panoramic shot of my room. You know, if I kept this up, I could have a one man show at the High. This is getting ridiculous.

So here we have Jason and Ian, who came to bring me lunch and movies today. Very kind of both of them, especially considering that Jason himself is a new Dad, Ian himself is a new person and Jason's busy trying to get his final book made and finished in time for graduation. Busy doesn't even cover it. So I thank you for coming to see me. I know what kind of sacrifice that took.

My next door neighbor Tom brought up some ice water for me. He's there at the ring of the phone. Really nice guy.

Been threatening rain all day, but nada. At least it's a bit cooler upstairs for me - BjornMouse has camped out with me and is now sleeping in a new favorite spot of his - the white chair. You can see him in 2 spots in the picture. Crazy how that happens.

Today I have decided to show my foot. And that's all. Notice how it's not all swollen. That's because I don't use my feet any more. Heh.

Wull, as it turns out, you can't rent real porn from Netflix. This is the next best thing. Hmmmph.

So I've had a pretty nice day so far. I put on lipstick! And shaved my legs. Carefully. You know this weird thing happens to your body when you're on bed rest. I look different to myself in the mirror. I'm used to seeing myself smiling back at myself, being pregnant and all. But it's a little different now. I'm clutching my belly, I guess to protect myself. I dunno. I look pale. And the inside of my mouth gets really dry and pasty - no matter how much water I drink. Chapstick is my best friend.

One cool thing though is that my boobs are still big. Yay. Oh - and there's not so much laundry to do any more. Though, how would I know cause I'm not the one doing it any more. : ) Other nice thing is that because my feet are up all day, no more Miss Piggy ankles.

What's really nice are visitors. People are coming out of the woodwork to call or visit or bring food. It's really wonderful. A student came today bearing gifts. She even brushed Bjorn, which he loved. Thank you Rose. Mary came by with lunch from Wright's Gourmet. Thank you, Mary! And lemon cake. And squash soup. Mmm. Tomorrow Mr. Puckett's bringing some movies (NOT porn), his new little boy Ian and a burger from Wendy's. I am very excited.

Yesterday I did calligraphy and it was heavenly. Really made a difference in my day. I did a little bit more this afternoon and a client's coming by to pick up the work. Clients have been great, too. Very understanding. Very gracious. It's just been beautiful.

For an introvert, I am suddenly very interested in doing stuff. Talking on the phone. Listening more, TALKING more to people face to face.

Everyone says they know someone who's been on bed rest. And all have a good outcome to share. I am beginning to believe that this doesn't have to be so scary. I am making a life. Isn't a few month's sacrifice worth giving for that?

OK. Back to the porn.

Gentle readers. I know you're all just dying to see another shot of my bedroom. I am here to please. Doug had to leave the hizouse early this morning for work, so Mom came over to cook me breakfast. Ever attentive and helpful and cheery, she made me an omelet, coffee, english muffin with marmalade & butter, sliced fruit and then sat with me while I told her all about Brittany's vegetable dyed hair, Nicole's possible pregnancy, Reese Witherspoon's non-pregnancy, and Tori Spelling's feud with her Mother. My, things are very dramatic out there.

Mom decided a good way to cheer me up would be to wash the 2 bedroom windows. Inside and out. So in this lovely photograph (and yes, don't you think my panoramic skills are improving?) you see her stepping in and out of the window, out on the roof of the sunroom out back to wash the outside of our morning window. Devoted, isn't she? While on the other side of the room, she could only wash the inside panes, I am assured now that the afternoon light in this room will not be muddied by years of neglected grime. Little BjornMouse will have a crisp patch of sun in which to bathe for his afternoon nap.

Thanks, Mom.

My exciting plans for the day:
I will venture to my desk in the studio at the end of our upstairs hall after lunch today to calligraph some labels for a client. My Dr. said it was OK to sit at a desk for a bit. I am walking slowly and gingerly. Without reaching or bending, I'll be ever so careful.

Last night I had a dream that I was in a very old city made of marble, crashing down around me like it was ancient Rome. I fled the city with everyone else, while remarking on how surprisingly fragile and undependable marble was as a strong building material. You assume because it looks so strong, that it will last forever and never break. But it's just as brittle as any other material. I fled for safety. Can't remember how I got out. Or if I did.

They say places in your dreams are metaphors for your own body and mind. I am thinking that my body should respond to this pregnancy perfectly and without a hitch. There's nothing wrong with Bimp. And I am fine. My life is fine. It's just that the placenta decided to attach in a not-so-ideal location. And that's all. Gravity, chance and stress are working against me here. And I am having to reframe this experience. I am not abnormal. I am adaptive. And will be mother to this child.

When I feel alone, I remember that I am not alone in this bed.

Bimp is with me. And we will make it together.

~:B E D * R E S T * T H E R A P Y:~

Doug brought three trashy gossip mags home with him yesterday. I get a call from him, "I got a great stack of mags here I want to run by you: Time, Fortune, National Geographic, Better Homes & Gardens, etc."

A- "No, too serious. Like I actually want to LEARN something about the world? Ha."

D- "OH, right. How about more fashiony girly stuff like, Vogue, Self, Cosmopolitan?"

A- " You think I want to look in a mirror and compare myself to all those beauties with flat tummies and shoes, walking around in the open air, enjoying themselves? No matter how well I shower or do my makeup, being in bed and reclining never makes one look beautiful. Bed head cannot be fixed when you've got short hair, hon."

D- "Oh, right. I see. Nothing character building or motivating in any kind of way, shape or form. Maybe I'm in the wrong section of CVS.

A- "Try up front where the candy, batteries and mints are."

D- "Oh, where all the impulse purchases are?"

A- "Y E S. The crap that makes everyone ELSE look bad. The gossip. The trash."

D- "Star, People, Us? "

A- "Perfect."

~:B O R E D * B U T * T H A N K F U L:~

First of all - thank you for your e-mails and responses to my drug-induced post. Collin - your response made me laugh out loud. You all have been wonderful. So we've made some changes around the house.

I spend the morning upstairs and am allowed to take a shower if I want. Staying in bed. Not as fun as it sounds. And I'm an introvert!!! So far I've been in bed mostly up here - stuff sprawled all over the mattress. iSight s hooked up, as you can see - though bed head really isn't my best look. But I'd love to see you guys.

My sweet neighbors Tom and Pat have offered to check in on me. Mom and Dad stop by, too and are errand runners and meal makers. Moral supporters as well.

Doug's been a dream. Of course. Last night he and Tom put up a 3 foot quick fix chicken wire fence for the BjornMouse in the front yard. Just a small section. Doug cracked open one of the front windows that goes outside to serve as a little doggie door so he can let himself out to do his business. We put all the cat stuff in the back screened-in porch so Olaf and Gunther can't get out and are safe. Though I miss seeing them - this is the best situation for now.

On my bed I have 2 phones, a Sudoku book (the easy version), the iSight camera (which I have renamed the iSigh), my laptop doggie treats, Forever Amber, knitting for Bimp sweaters, jordan almonds, chocolate and caramel covered popcorn, a variety of pillows in all sorts of shapes and sizes, chips, DVDs and more.

Mom will come in the afternoons for lunch. We knit together. She's knitting a darling alpaca sweater and matching leggings set for Bimp. He's going to be one cozy sweater baby.

I am bored. I hope to get used to this. Need to maintain some kind of schedule or I'll go mad. The term REST really is deceptive. Resting makes me more tired. Isn't that strange? I feel if I were a less selfish person, every time I have an ache or worry, I'd be talking to the Bimp in a reassuring tone - telling him I'd do anything to keep him safe. But I moan and groan and cry myself to sleep. Feeling ever so human. Fragile. Selfish. I hate being so dependent. So aware of my body - of fragility. The possibility of losing the baby is looming over me. Every step I take, every motion to shift positions keeps me on edge. I expect to be taken to the emergency room again - it's hard not to think about that. Hard to stay positive. I tell myself that this is only temporary. That life even without a baby can be good. That I can make good out of any situation.

Makes me wonder how people who deal with illness and handicaps cope. I suppose one makes a decision to deal with fear of the unknown with a healthy perspective. I don't feel angry. I feel afraid. Weak. Unsure of myself. I feel anxious. Helpless. My mouth opens and I want to cry.

My chest aches. I know that's stress. I wish I could do yoga again. I will ask the Dr. if I can play the piano again. That is the only natural remedy I have for headaches and tension. Chopin nocturnes and Satie do wonders. I think the Bimp would love the soothing music, too.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to zoom up and down the stairs again - go get anything I wanted, take a walk, bend over, run an errand, go to Yoga class, go see a friend, breathe without hurting or crying, bake some bread or cookies, get the mail.

So that's it for now.

Oh - on a funny note: Doug reported that he found an original Degas sketchbook from tongue brushing in the shower this morning. Wow! Silly man.

Love to all.

~Anne

~:T A K I N G * I T * E A S I E R:~

Sunday afternoon UPDATE: We are home! Doing much better. Click here to see a little movie Peter made of us at the Hospital.

We checked in at Northside Hospital early yesterday morning at 3AM for bleeding. Little Bimp decided to give us a scare - or rather, my body did. I am still diagnosed with a partial placenta previa. When that happens, there's not too much you can do about it, other than taking it easier (no jumping jacks or plowing fields), kind of thing. Since everyone's body is different, despite my lack of emotional NEED for exercise, too much was too much for me. I had gotten nice and busy this summer with freelance work - and on top of teaching, it's too much for me at the moment. Not to worry about Bimp - he's fine, though I will be taking it much easier these days. Will be teaching my classes this quarter from home - so it'll be a fun party for all involved and I won't have to get up and go about, etc. But still be with my students, which makes me happy. Doug promises to make a fresh pot of starbuck's coffee for my morning classes and hey - you guys want to mess with the kitchen? Cool! Boris - give me a grocery list and feed us. And Mary? I hear you've got mad skills with home made pesto pizza or something?

I was just now given 2pills of Ambien, which I am told will help me sleep realy well. They are taking effect nowe as i'm badly typing.

The staff here have been stellar. Kind and assuring and straightforward when you need it. I feel very safe. We zipped in here at 3AM this mornin, was given a shot of steriods and will be given another shot at 11am which will increase Bimp;s chances if breathing better, shoud he arrive prematurely. He will have a good rate of survival, should that be the case. Then well have a chat before I leave about how well i did here and what portions of my work I can slack on - give up temporarily or what I can still safely do. I am hpoing the Docs will think having classes at my home would be swell. Truthfully I'd miss my students all too much not to teach at all - not to mention missing out on all the good conversations! I'll keep you posted.

Drugs rule! After no alcholhol for all these months, the Ambien theygace me are making me silly. SO Im real relaxed nd happy and fun.

This new room they put us in ROCKS. I ;m at the HILTON over here.

SO until we meet again , I am loving all of you and learning how t to a better job of letting the little stuff go, , relzax more, and not to have t be perfect.

I am sad about not taking Holgers; clss, tho. After just one class, I was hookrd right back into doing Tommy. .Lost 2 mights sleep over that promising concept, pulsing with excitemrnt . UNder the current curcumstances, i will takae his class a following quarter when I aam ready. Sorry Holger.

I will be cuttin way down the calligraphy and freelance design work. Learining to take it easy and let others help me more.
hard t o do.

getting real sleepy here.

Much love,,,

!ANne
and Bimp

~:J U L Y * 4 T H * W E E K E N D:~

We had a family blast this year for the 4th of July weekend. Glo, Peter and Mia came to town, so did Yaneeeechkah with her parents Matt and Marcela. Lukie and his lovely girls hosted dinner for us on the 3rd and on July 4th, Nonie and Manning joined us for burgers at Mom and Dad's house.

~:W E E K * 2 5 * T U M M Y:~ Ever since coming back from our little vacay I've been depressed. I think the combo of returning to a lot of new calligraphy work (which was my goal, so I'm grateful), pulling together another set of PC syllabi for Summer quarter and looking at an empty nursey got me panicked. Not 10 minutes into pulling in the driveway, my fucking legs start to itch!! I am a wreck. A control freak. All this new and wonderful stuff that I've dreamed of happening IS and what do I do? Every few weeks, I freak out. Guess that's just how I deal. Funny thing is - I don't know I'm freaking until a bad dream hits to tell me I've got crap under the surface that needs addressing. Dreams are great that way. Or as Minus would say, dreams are cool like that.

One dream was about my legs itching while at PC. I'm doing a painting. Pacing back and forth on my feet. Really into the creativity. I look down and poof - I've got this basketball size blister on my ankle that's all gross and bloody - looks like a placenta. A student takes notice and admonishes me for standing on my feet. "You just can't do that now."

Creepy.

So I tell Doug the dream the next morning and he says, "Sounds like you think you can't be a mother and an artist at the same time." And I start to bawl. Which made me feel a little better. Just knowing the fear I'm not admitting to myself is empowering.

I panic about identity. The change of that. And my emotions are getting more and more intense. Last night Peter made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants. It was wonderful fun, until those tears turned to real tears and it took all I had in me not to cry furiously at the table. It's really INTENSE and weird to feel so fully. It's all or nothing. I am a vessel. This organic creature, pulsing with life, anticipating a change I cannot fully prepare for. Who am I. Who will I be. What will change. What will I give up? What will I gain?

After all this figuring out of life in the second trimester, at 25 weeks, Doug takes me down the hill to take this picture. By the time we walk back up the hill, we are holding hands, I am out of breath and return to this house in Clayton to dinner cooking and my family waiting. Glo says she'll take me to target tomorrow to begin a baby registry. I'm giving her the gun.

Excited and joyful beyond description, powerless against the fear of this wonderful change, I remind myself that none of us are alone. And at the end or should I say, the beginning of this journey is Bimp.

~:W I T:~

In this month's issue of Premiere, comedy is the theme. Several comics say really smart things here about the intelligence of being funny. The first things that struck me was what Monty Python's John Cleese said.

" There was a fellow called Harvey Orkin who was an American agent in London; he worked on the old Phil Silvers 'Sgt. Bilko' programs as a scriptwriter, and he was probably the funniest man in London in the 70's. He said to me, "John, comedy is about meanness and jealousy and anger and frustration. If you show me a comedy about Francis of Assisi, I'll show you a bummer." And that always stuck in my mind.

There's a lot of truth to that. I once taught a class on Wit in Design and boy was it tough to be funny on purpose. Once people got more risky and mean - it came a lot easier. Sarcasm is a wonderful tool.

My all time favorite comedy is Young Frankenstein. "Yes! Yes! Say it! HE VAS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!" Remember Steve Martin talking about how to fold soup in his book Cruel Shoes? Brilliant. I read that in Highschool in the 80's and remember falling to my knees on the kitchen floor laughing.
A few years ago I hear him on NPR. he talked about his very beginnings noting that when he looked around, all the big stand up comedians were bitter and angry. (George Carlin, etc) And he thought he'd try a different approach. "I'm gonna be silly." And oh, how brilliant he was as that very silly person. We just loved him. Still do.

Remember him in The Jerk? Here's a bit from the movie quoted in the Premier article: Navin Johnson (who's new money tude has managed to piss off everyone he loves, including his wife and all the money he ever wanted... he's at his depth of despair and decides to leave his home: Well, I'm gonna go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this. (picks up an ashtray) And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game ans that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game ans the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control an the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one -- I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control and the matches, for sure...And this. That's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair. (walking outside) And I don't need one other thing, except my dog. (dog growls) I don't need my dog.

So what about you guys? What are your favorite comedies/scenes/actors?