Sunday, August 30, 2009

Where Is the 4th Bunny?

Another tape-bound book - really made for a purse. There are 3 bunnies on the front and a big number 4 on the back. I am currently looking for a fourth bunny to hide within the pages. This book is 2" x 5.5" and is great for little to-do lists. Will be for sale at my next event: the Peachtree Charter Middle School Fall Harvest Festival on Saturday, October 3rd.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Let Him Go Again

Another beautiful coptic journal with alternating blank and lined pages for writing and sketching. This book is 4.25" x 11" and will be for sale the first weekend in October (on the 3rd) at the Peachtree Charter Middle School Fall Harvest Festival. I'll have a table there with other fun vendors.

I went to Peachtree High School back in the mid-80's when I was a mohawk-sporting and sullen teenager. I would love for Anton's high school experience to be more positive than mine was. So maybe this is the beginning? They've got a brand new building budding with creative energy, so I am hopeful.

The vintage paper came from a children's book at Atlanta Vintage Books and the imported washi paper at the bottom is from Washi Accents.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Harriet's Angel Scarf Completed

This beautiful scarf began early this summer as Debra announced a new presence in the room: a healing angel that I named Harriet. She and I knit together every morning at 5am after I'd brew a thick and foamy cup of coffee for myself and before the rest of the house woke up to take me. It was my time to heal. I'd knit in my cozy kitchen and every stitch was a gift. The yarn came from a generous gift certificate at Knitch that Tina (Anton's godmother and my close friend) gave to me after working on her daughter Sada's wedding calligraphy.

And it's AMAZING to wear. Feathery and lightweight but surprisingly warm.

Pattern details of Harriet's Angel scarf are:
• Cast on 100 - Knit in straight stitch with 6 balls of Rowan Kidsilk Haze in colorway Glacier, double stranded
• Needles: Lantern Moon US7 Rosweood Destiny Circulars (I use circulars just cause I like them, this scarf is not knit in the round, so you can knit in straight needles if you like) and (holy shit these are AMAZING to knit with and make my hands feel so good - even the sound of them sounds like a kiss. Goodbye RSI, I've found healing needles because they rotate at the needle join)
• Crochet an edging of Artyarns Beaded Mohair & Sequins in colorway 1626 all the way around

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Enlightened Egg

This little book was made for Debra. The image of birds has shown up a lot in our sessions and the metaphor for their flight, beauty and grace has been really meaningful to me. I bought a cool sheet of wrapping paper with birds, nests and egg imagery and have been using it in a lot of work lately. This first book of the batch went to Debra.

The floating egg is enlightened, as she is and as I hope to be soon. Maybe it's a gradual process and I'm already hovering just above ground level? I hope so.

The little phrase at the bottom that says "each generation of children has to learn everything over again" came from a vintage hypnotism book cousin Meagan got me in Texas this summer. And the sheet of book cloth it rests on was made from a beautiful linen shirt I bought doug years ago that he stopped wearing. It's cut up in a million little pieces now and shows up in the work now and then. Fun!

Oh! And the sexy "feminine footwear" boots on the inside are from a vintage 1970's shoe catalogue. Debra's a shoe addict/expert, so I thought this book fit her well.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

William Stafford

Amazing poem by William Stafford. Worth inking up a million times over. This is done in a new italic version I'm experimenting with. It's sharp and drippy. YUM.

"Your exact errors make a music that nobody hears.
Your straying feet find the great dance walking alone
and you live in a world where stumbling always leads home."

~William Stafford

Saturday, August 22, 2009

More fun with green ink

And this wispy, thready green that reminds me of wet grass, squeeking under your feet.

Friday, August 21, 2009

You're With Me Now

Amazing Dream from Tommy I had this afternoon.

In my dream, I was back in New Mexico. I traveled around the city through the places I used to live. This time, I did not wince at the bad memories, I saw the growth instead and actually smiled as I drove.

I met Tommy at this really neat looking place. It was a house and a business and big but cozy. There were lots of people walking around with things to do. Good music and really fun products being developed. It was messy, but organized. Tommy took me to this great room that had a big table in the center. Tommy had an assignment and I was part of it. The documentation for the assignment was on this long table in a specific pile. He knew just where it was and I would have missed it had I been looking, because nothing was labeled. But there it was - like I said, it was messy, but organized.

Everyone was working, but it didn't feel like work. It was exciting. Good energy all around. The place looked very much like what you'd see when you walk into World Market. Every part of the world was represented there - a fun and eclectic mix of every culture. I looked up and even saw those cute little knitted sweaters you see as xmas ornaments - small enough for a mouse to wear. These were gifts and they were fun and silly but important. Something like the proceeds going to places that needed it most.

Tommy picked up the stack and said, "You and Peter are with me now and I'll be guiding you. Come on and I'll show you!"

"But what about Mom and Dad and home?" I asked.

"They're doing their part and sending tuition checks for both you and Peter. But you're moving out here and we're working together. You're with me now."

I was so excited to be free. To be on my way. To do good work. God's work. That's what was on that table in the great room full of fun stuff and ideas and movement. It was God's work. My work. Tommy's work.

And Tommy was my link to the now, not to the past. We were moving ahead to the future. Mom and Dad had let us go and were and had been supporting us the best way they knew how. They'd sent us to college, kept us safe while growing up - made the three of us, their children, and kept the family financially secure enough to launch us. They'd done their job and now it was my turn and man, was I excited.

I was just about to ask Tommy how he'd felt about this assignment and the small amount of fear I'd felt when I'd realized my parents were saying goodbye - or at least that they could not and would not come on this journey with me.

But at that moment, I woke up from my nap with Anton. Doug came home and was looking splendid. I told him so. "You look cute, honey. You look alive." And he smiled. And the three of us started our evening together this way.

I went downstairs to make a pot of coffee because tonight I'll be doing book and box work. I sat down to look at my calendar. Sure enough, today was the day Tommy took his life in '97. And this dream, he gave to me.

It reminded me that he didn't really die, he crossed over and is still available to me. The dream was a perfect metaphor for where I've been, where I am, the healing that's taken place and the possibilities ahead.

Today's also the day I finished my scarf I knitted with Harriett, my healing angel. My first journal is almost done, too - where I've chronicled the work I've done with Debra so far. We're soon to open the next one, which Tommy helped me make.

What a day. A beautiful, beautiful day.

So all of this is working out as it should. The pain is part of the process. I just went through a very painful two week depression about moving into a new understanding of God. That meant I really needed to let go of the old one and grieve that loss. I am on the other end of that first big step into the arms of the new God. Pain and being uncomfortable are part of it. It's a sign of movement - the chaos is okay and the structure of it is really hard to see when you're inside of it.

This grieving God had launched me into phase two and Tommy's dream and his book is the beginning.

I've got more work to do. God's work, My work. And I will carry on in joyful responsibility for myself, forgiving the past, loving the gift is was to me, letting it stay where it is, so I can move forward.

I forgive the past. I forgive myself.
I can move forward.

Monday, August 17, 2009


Anton's first favorite food - and here's the recipe for Nonie's Hot Fudge Sauce.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

My Boys

My search for the most perfect photo in the universe has ended. Thank you Barbara for taking it.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sweet A & E

Got these sweet little wooden stamps in Houston at a vintage shop. They'll be incorporated somehow in my new identity - soon to be revealed as it comes first to me, then to you.

Very excited about the Now, what becomes Then and the Next.
I'll be as surprised as you'll be.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Let The Party Begin

Doug filmed Anton dancing and drumming to Iron & Wine's "The Devil Never Sleeps Alone." I could watch this all day! Guess what lessons are coming first? Is 3 too young to learn?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Birds n Shoes

This sweet tall and skinny book will be coptic bound. Birds nests and eggs on the outside with some funky leather shoes on the inside I got from a vintage 1970's shoe catalogue out in Houston. Major score! The little bit of brown linen flowered book cloth came from a shirt Doug stopped wearing years ago. I yanked it from the closet and have been offering it up in many sacrificial pieces to the Book Arts Gods. Sorry honey.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

New Book

The Secret Belgian Binding in action. I made this book for Bess, owner of the Double B Ranch out in Kerville, Texas.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Who The Fuck Is God?

Uhg. I am feeling heavy. I feel braver these days than ever before, but still pretty fragile, sometimes brittle and weepy. Today's just one of those days.

These are some images that Debra picked off of me a few weeks ago - I inked them up and FUCK if they don't make more and more sense to me every time I look at them. These statement weep with the insecurity I felt by loving/worshipping and yearning to be closer to a dominant, angry and parental god. It was crushing me. And it's my biggest beef with the god I used to know, "God the Father."

When Debra picks stuff off of me that I have a tough time digesting, I get out my ink and go to town. It feels good to put it to paper, with thought, interpretation and purposefulness. My heart feels so small today. I have so little to give. But I think it's part of the process.

I don't want to hate god. I don't want to hate the church. I don't want to hate myself. But I distain what I became. What I was. And now I'm so mixed up in the not knowing, it's frightening. Humiliating. I hardly feel like myself. Hardly feel real.

I know I am safe, though. I am discarding all the things that gave me headaches, migraines and back pain. I am saying hello to this moment. I am at it's mercy. I want to be that enlightened flower Eckhart Tolle talks about in The New Earth.

I am removing the word HOPE from my dictionary and replacing it with BE.

I still love you, God. I do. Just not like a wanting creature, but a Being one.