Our Last Night

Friends!

Well we just had a fabulous dinner of pasta and grouper and a fantastic salad. Tomorrow we begin on the leftovers. God bless Mimi's meatballs and Nonie's make ahead mashed potatoes.

Doug and Mom just went to Ingles on an ice cream run - Doug in his pajamas no less. Dad and I are sitting by the fire he just stoked and are awaiting their return. It has been a fantastic day and a fantastic week. I am thinking of staying the weekend to prepare for the next quarter at PC, writing my syllabi while Mom watches Anton. I will in turn watch him while she finishes a painting she's doing of Dad for his 70th birthday.

It rained ALL day long today. Wonderful, luscious rain. Mom bought me a pair of support hose so I could stand in the kitchen for days and bake all these pretty cookies. My body is falling apart! But thankfully, my spirit is intact.

I have knitted a tremendous amount this past week, so much so that my index finger literally turned blue and numb. I think it's a Repetitive Stress Injury. So I've put the needles down for a while to let my hands rest. I do things pretty intensely and I always have to be careful about taking breaks. Well, I was so excited about being able to knit nonstop that didn't pay attention to my hands. Bad me. Here's a lovely hat I'm trying to finish.

SO, when they return, we will continue our Dexter marathon. We've just rented the first 3 discs of the first season and are hooked. Yay for dark comedy!

Merry Christmas to all of you. More later,

~Anne

New Knitting

I've been able to do quite a bit of baking and knitting while up here. It feels SO good. Here's my latest project: a scarf for Mom. This ones got a lace pattern in between two leaves at both ends. I am using yarn from GGH called Aspen, a wool and acrylic blend. Lovely color!

Tonight we go to La Pachanga, the local mexican restaurant. I will be drinking the Ritas and having a blast!

Merry Christmas!

Check out my big gift this year. We swapped names and Mon drew mine. So she smartly had this necklace custom made for me. Typewriter keys are much prettier around your neck, though I must pay homage to the passing of an era. Will we someday wear apple keyboard commands as jewelry, too? Anyway, check out this designer's site. My necklace is there!

Had a great Christmas morning. We're just about to eat dinner. I am with the finest of company today. The best mother in the world, the best father in the world, the best baby in the world and the best husband in the world.

Peaceful sigh.

Christmas Eve

So it's Christmas Eve and we've just had a delicious dinner of Norwegian meatballs, mashed potatoes and peas. We've had a great day together and I am grateful for everything I have. This time last year, half of Dad's face wasn't working because of a tumor he had removed and I was battling migraines. THIS year we're both feeling a lot better and back into the swing of the lives we've so carefully mended.

Life is good. Look at this little gem in my lap.

I am happy.

Christmas Cookies

Well. This is what I've done all day. And happily. I hadn't made cookies for a very long while, so this felt good. We boarded Bjorn yesterday before coming up to Rabun Gap and I was blue arriving here without him. It just wasn't the same. But I woke up feeling better today. I'm glad. I don't think the Bjorn decision is going to ruin my Christmas. Whew!

Hard Decisions

In spite of my melancholy mood, here's a lovely picture of my blooming Christmas Cactus. It sits in my studio and gets afternoon light. Every year it blooms no matter what happens.

I am thinking of Bjorn and Anton. I just looked at pictures of dog bites in children and oooftah has it affected me. I am thinking that my reasons for wanting to keep Bjorn are selfish. And that's not good. To keep Anton safe from Bjorn I have to keep them separated. That's for at LEAST the next 5 years. No joke. How fun is that? That means Bjorn's away from the family. Listening to us play without him. While he broods in the corner or whines to be with us. And if we want them together, then I have to be literally in between them and make sure neither appears too threatening to the other. It is no fun and very hard work. No wonder I have a headache.

I keep picturing Bjorn at the breeder with all the other toy breeds. Yapping and playing and being dogs together. Bjorn was always a little jumpy around people. When he spent a few months at the breeder's he came back to us confident and more affectionate. He literally rubbed all over us like cats do. I realized that he had adopted that behavior from other dogs. That they were all snuggly and friendly with each other. Puppies together.

I am thinking about whose family is better for Bjorn?
And how would I feel about Anton really getting bitten and living with a scar? I owe him more safety than that.

My reasons for keeping Bjorn are selfish and not good for anyone but my own comfort. He's my teddy bear and I just need to let him go. He was my first "child". I am still in love with him. Still melt at the site of his beautiful face. Still love just the thought of him.

I dunno. I am feeling less guilty as I did a few days ago. No matter how much love or discipline or exercise I give Bjorn, I will never truly be fully confident that he won't try to bite again. If he can bite me, his favorite person in the world, then what could he do to Anton?

What is the more loving thing for me to do for Anton?
Keep him as absolutely safe as I can.

What is the more loving thing for me to do for Bjorn?
Keep him as absolutely happy as he can be.
Does that mean live in a house with gates away from family?

Yes, the training I've been doing with him these past few days has been great. The walking has been really good for him. Good for me, too. Yes, my making sure I walk thru doorways and up and down the stairs first has been great. Bjorn gets it.
BUT he still can be threatened by Anton. He is too little a dog to not to be threatened by Anton's unpredictable movements. No amount of training will ever completely guarantee that he won't bite when threatened.

I cannot have both of these creatures at once. I must choose what's best for both of them.

So I am, at this moment, leaning towards giving him back to the breeder. She is willing to take him.

I just have to be willing to let him go.

Anne. What is the most loving thing to do? The most loving thing to do. I am a good person who does loving things and I can make this choice if I make it out of love and not selfishness, neediness or sad desperation.

Again everyone. Thank you for reading and considering my dilemma.

We go up to Rabun Gap to be with Mom and Dad on Saturday. We will board Bjorn while we're up there. When we return after Christmas, I will really make up my mind.

Any thoughts you have about this loving choice I have to make are still appreciated. Prayers, too. I want this to be another peaceful Christmas.

Whew!

Hello World,

Thank you for supporting me in my Bjorn-Mania. We are trying a new approach. So far, I think Bjorn's happier because I walk him every day and don't let him get ahead of me at the stairs or out the door. But I still have to keep him and Anton separated.

Anton wants to play with Bjorn and vice-versa. But the fine-boned Papillon is too threatened by Anton's aggressive crawling. They will not be able to play together until Anton understands how to be calm around Bjorn.

If I'm going to keep Bjorn, I'll have to do a lot more work to keep him more balanced than he is right now. No more babytalk, No more excessive cuddling. More exercise. More rules. More boundaries.

I am EXHAUSTED. But it's an empowering feeling. Being in charge of two boys. Um, three, if you count Dougie Fresh.

IF, after a few weeks, things have not improved and I have really given this my best shot, I will be able to give Bjorn back to the breeder to live with the pack SANS GUILT. I am going to die trying, but try I must.

I will keep you all posted on my progress.

I had planned on all kinds of Christmasy posts to share with you but am overwhelmed with the task at hand at the moment.
Christmas cookies will have to wait. But I will share our lovely tree with you. It's the first time we've used an artificial tree (gasp!) but MAN are they so much easier. No sap in the house. No sawdust. No needles to vacuum. No more headaches (yes I'm allergic to the real ones and have had xmas headaches ever since I can remember.) No more cursing from Doug as he puts the tree up or down. AND the best part of all? We did not kill a tree. :)

Saying Goodbye To Bjorn

This is a sad post. And I guess what I want most from all of you is reassurance.

You all know Bjorn can lash out when he feels threatened. He felt trapped the other morning by Anton in our kitchen and almost bit him. Luckily Doug got in the way and was able to get Anton away from him. So that's the last straw. We're having to give him back to the breeder. Bjorn will most likely live out his life there with the pack of other small dogs. But he will be happier there than with me. He'll get more attention there and will be with stronger pack leaders.

I just can't risk Anton getting injured by him. I feel so guilty, tho. So inept. A failure. I love that little dog so much. My Monkey Mouse. Bjorn was the first dog I really loved. Deeply. And I feel so guilty and ashamed of my trying to humanize him. I hope he has a happy life in spite of my irresponsibility. I feel it's even more irresponsible to keep him out of my own need to be loved and licked by this sweet creature. I feel so weak. I feel like I've damaged Bjorn. I should have never gotten him in the first place. I'm a better cat person than a dog person.

I am doing the right thing, right? We take him tomorrow. Last night was agony. Yesterday was agony. Today will be worse unless I can think of some positives in this dark situation.

I will miss him so much at school. I will miss him in the car. I will miss him everywhere.

Anton the Happy Busy Boy

peace

I spent the day printing and painting little red birds today. Tomorrow I address. Here's this year's Christmas card! Yay!

Pee & Poo

Simply amazing. For years I've been looking for the right underwear for Doug and now I've found it.

The Horror Of Self Check-Out

Read this amazingly funny article. Thanks to Holly, who lead me to this witty beelog.

Stocking Stuffers

I know, I know. This post is pretty shameless. These are some things that I would like to have in my stocking for Christmas this year.


Anise and Clary Sage Hand Lotion
I think this looks yummy.


This, too: Salt Supplies

And these: Hands of Change

Coolest Things Ever

This Etsy seller is quite the clever crafter. I love her work and here are my two favorites of hers:

This little stump would look splendid on my lapel. Or maybe one of these fine choices. I pluck my mooostaches, but these I'd wear proudly. On my other lapel.

So we had a really fun Thanksgiving today. Doug and Glo ran the Gobble Jog this morning. Anton and I got up early and ate breakfast. Just as Daddy kissed us goodbye and we were finishing our eggs and sausage, it started to rain. So we went right back upstairs to sleep the rest of the morning off listening to the pitter pat of rain above our heads. Sheer heaven.

We woke up to Uncle Peter's voice who came over to watch Anton while I baked pies. I hadn't baked a pie since I was pregnant over a year ago, so it felt really good to get back into it. I made pecan, blueberry and pumpkin. Here they all are.

Later we went to Mom & Dad's house for the big feast and were joined by the whole family: Mia, Glo, Peter, Diego (Glo's brother) Mom, Dad, Nonie and Manning. We had a terrific dinner and I can't wait to dig into the leftovers tomorrow, WHICH will be eaten, by the way, up in Rabun Gap. Weee!

If you loved me...

You'd get me something like this.

Another excuse to spend money

Now I'm in trouble.

I'm on Etsy!

Hi Booklovers,

Well, my sale went very well and I've got the remaining books up for sale on my Etsy site. It's not too well organized yet, but it's up. Thank you to everyone who came out to see the show. It was wonderful to see your faces!

~Anne

Plaid Stallions

Wanna have some fun?
Check out this site.

Happy Birthday Dougie Fresh,

I love you.

We had a fabulous weekend up in Rabun Gap celebrating Doug's birthday. Here's a ridiculous cake we made him with a trendy warning. He's also sporting a shirt I embroidered for him. Friday night we ate out at La Pachanga, the local mexican restaurant. I had 2 margaritas. Oooftah. The next night we ate cake, steak burgers at home and then I had 2 martinis. Oooftah and yummy.

Click here to see more of our pictures.

XO,

~Anne

More Book Samples

A few more books for you to preview!

Book Samples

Friends and Book-Lovers,

So I've decided to post images and descriptions of the books I'll be selling next weekend at the Superior Avenue Show and Sale in Decatur next Saturday, November 17th from 1 - 6PM. I've finished all the pieces and am busy adding price tags and making a new batch of business cards. (Yes, I'm a freak and make EVERYTHING by hand.) What is wrong with me?

Anyway. Here are two for your review. More tomorrow.

~Anne

Superior Avenue Show and Sale

Howdy friends. Here's the invite to the show I've been madly sewing books for. It takes place on Saturday, November 17th from 1 - 6PM. Prices of my books range from $15.00 to $45.00. I'm finishing them up this weekend and am SOOOO ready for them to be done. I've got bruised fangars!

Books, Books, Books

I have been a busy spider these past few weekends, preparing for an art show in November. I'll be selling a variety of handmade books - each unique and covered with vintage book pages. I'll post the invite when it's ready so you can see the other artist's works - pottery, painting, glass etching and more. I'm excited!


Back to binding....

Orchid Lace Mitts

I have begun a new project with a luscious yarn from Uruguay. Malabrigo Yarn is hand dyed, hand spun and has the most beautiful irregular texture. It's incredibly soft, but spun irregularly so that you get the most wonderful thicks and thins, which creates a really neat texture in your work.

With this lace weight yarn I'm knitting another pair of fingerless mitts from KnitSpot: Anne Hanson's Orchid Lace Mitts.

I think I have solved Anton's Halloween costume dilemma. Mom and I found a darling outfit from GAP KIDS today. Hat, vest and pants. He looks like either a little immigrant from Ellis Island or Mickey Rooney. I know. I'm crazy. So he's going as his great great grandfather, Martin Anton Petterson Davnes. Going to make him a little satchel to keep his candy in. Man does he look delicious. Yum yum!

Last night he had his first Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. He went to bed smacking his lips in pleasure. My sweet boy. I've decided that nothing is better in the world than watching your baby eat a new food and love it. He is an amazing creature.

Mmmmm. Fall.

Just returned from a night of bookmaking and am too wired to go to bed. So here's a beelog!

I took these pictures of my beautiful boy with his beautiful grandmother last week. We had the first cold morning of the season and dressed Anton in our knitted baby gear. I knit the hat from an Interweave Knits pattern called Syncopated Caps and Mom knit the sweater from the book Simple Knits for Cherished Babies.

I have started knitting a new pair of mittens for him and another pair of lace fingerless mitts for me. Will post photos soon!

But here's a question for all you creatives. What, tell me WHAT should Anton be for Halloween? I was thinking a sperm would be very cute and funny until a friend asked me how I'd explain that to all the other neighborhood children. So then I thought a shriner would be ridiculous and fun. Make him a red fez, red vest and have him hold a bucket for his candy. I dunno. I dunno???

Any suggestions?

Cafe le Bran

Daddy feeds bran cereal to Anton: a yummy, crunchy, tasty, vitamin-filled, fiberlicious little video.

Delicato Mitts

Behold knitting friends - my latest FINISHED project. Anne Hanson's Delicato Mitts. The pattern was knit with Koigu from Kaleidoscope Yarns. Above is a delicious picture of Anton's tushie and my hard-working hands. Yes. I can still knit and be a Mommie. :)

Bathing Cousins & Thirsty Runners

So we all had a splendid long weekend up north visiting family we all miss. Doug performed very well in the Chicago Marathon, until the rug got pulled from underneath him and many other runners. They cut the race short because of one death and many hospitalizations. Doug did not get to finish, but feels he could have. Very early in the race, they started running out of water. A record high for Chicago (October in the 80's) it was hot for even the non-runners. We can be thankful more people were not hurt, and sad for the family who lost one of their own. The Chicago Marathon this year was poorly run. I think Doug will try again next year, tho.

We took lots of pictures of our trip. I have none to share from the dramatic race mentioned above, sadly. BUT plenty of you know who.

Morning

We're having fun here in Chicago. I love the energy of a Northern urban environment. Makes me miss my undergrad days in Cleveland. Doug is preparing for his marathon and we will meet him tomorrow at the finish line.

I just went to this wonderful knitting shop called Nina. Bought a cute little project bag in pink tafetta to keep my latest project in. I think I will have to go back tomorrow to buy a skein of something naughty and expensive I regret not purchasing today.

I have been feeling pretty good these past few days. I stopped eating crap. I've been eating crap ever since I got pregnant. And I just stopped a few days ago. It's amazing the difference it makes in your mood. The best effect is that I don't feel guilty about what I'm putting in my mouth. The next good feeling is just physically feeling better - lighter on my feet and more energetic. Both of these things make you a happier person. I hope this all leads to weight loss. I would like to have my old body back. Mom and her sister have been taking Alli for a while now and say it works wonders. I'm tempted to try it. Though I hear it really punishes you when you eat too much fat.

Little Anton mouse is on total solid food now. His little fingers are fastly adapting to the challenge of developing those small muscles and coordination. It's fascinating to watch him eat. He's holding a sippy cup on his own now. And has become an expert crawler.

Finally, the painting you see up top is called "morning." I did it about 10 years ago. It lives with Peter here and i've been meaning to take a picture of it for some time now. It's all about the sunny mornings I had as a child. I sat in the kitchen bay window with lots of light. We drank milk (and yes, we had a milkman and real glass milk jugs) and Mathis Dairy orange juice, which my Dad would shake at the kitchen sink and sing. We had pretty striped juice glasses. Mom would make biscuits from scratch (NO KIDDING) every morning. I took a vitamin and allergy pill. All of these items are in the painting, as is the southern morning light. And a feeling of gratitude for family.

We leave for St. Louis on Monday, then back to Atlanta on Tuesday. See you when I return. Yay!

Wanting to Wear Wool

Friends,

Well it's the night before we leave for Chicago and we're doin' laundry, watering plants and packing. I have finished the left mitt I posted about earlier and finished Anton's winter hat, which you see here! Got the pattern from Interweave Knits. These are called Syncopated Caps. You knit with one solid skein and a varigated other. Makes it look way more complicated than it actually is. I hope it gets cold enough in Chicago for him to wear it this weekend.

We are SO ready for Fall. Here Anton is sporting long overalls and another pair of stellar shoes from Nanny. He is also sporting a nice little nose scuff from a recent fall on his little face. Poor baby.

Okay den. I am gettin' sleepy. I get to knit in the car all the way to Chicago. WOO HOO!!!!

Yay, Life!

Behold knitting friends - my latest project. Delicato Mitts by Anne Hanson. The pattern was only $5.00 and mom bought me 2 luscious skeins of Koigu when we were in Vermont at Kaleidoscope Yarns. This is what I've been doing while watching The War all week. It's been sadly fascinating.

We drive to Chicago next week to watch Doug run the The Chicago Marathon. We'll be staying with Peter, Glo & Mia and Mom and Dad will be coming with us. It'll be a tight squeeze, but fun. And speaking of Mia, Peter made this darling video of their life in Chicago. Check it out!

I've just written the last of my new Fall Quarter PC Syllabi tonight. I'll be teaching 2 new classes: Bookmaking and a Type 4 class called "Dry Toast, Truth & Beauty." Very excited about those two. I am rubbing my hands together in anticipation of this coming quarter. Fall is in the air and with it comes a crisp energy I can't wait to be a part of.

Yay, life!

Happy Birthday Anton

My little bird had a fabulous birthday! We took lots of Birthday Party photos to share with you.

Anton did not care for the taste of swiss meringue buttercream frosting, BUT he really enjoyed playing with it. Carved right into his cake with his masterful Antonhands. The party went by soo quickly - I wanted to sit and chat with everyone, but there was too much fun to make happen! It was a great day - a day I've been dreaming about for years and years.

Thank you friends and family for your gifts, cards and prayers. Happy Birthday my sweet boy. I love you.

Swing

Swinging in the summertime to Copland's Midsummer Nocturne. Anton swings, Bjorn barks and Gunther guards my morning coffee.

Party Preparations

Dear All,

This might explain my recent absence from the blogosphere. Anton turns one on sunday and we're throwing a big birthday party for him. Chocolate cake and everything. So I am knee deep in party stuff. Just in time for his first big milestone, Anton gave us another one to celebrate: he is CRAWLING!!!! Very, very exciting. I've got movies to share with you. And I'lll post party decorations, etc. soon. Yay!

T O A S T

Anton's blessed us with yet another amazing display of dexterity, charm and grace with his mad toast eating skilz. He's got 8 teeth and knows just how to use them.

When I'm a Walkin'...

Anton and Bjorn go for a walk. A silly little video. Enjoy!!

Too Funny

What cracks me up most about this is watching the newscasters lose themsleves in laughter. Tee hee!

Hangin

Bjorn and Anton hangin out together for a walk and a cool sit under the tree. These little lazy warm days are dreamy and delightfully slow.

Cat Scraps

Turns out BjornMouse isn't the only creature in this house benefitting from Anton's leftovers. Olaf, my youngest kitty, shares a meal with Anton.

A Letter From Mom

Dear Anne and all her blog readers and contributors,

Thank you for the season of meditation on Tommy. Thank you for every comment. I want you to know that although I wasn't able to write I was present every day reading, rereading, returning to the beginning every day. I am not a "support goup" woman. I'm not sure why this helped as most of you did not know him or us but I always have the hope I'll be lead closer to a place of understanding unencumbered by guilt and loss. Every year I think I can get there alone but that comes from some arrogance and pride in the end depriving me of a community of fellow pilgrims. Sure enough, people I have never met offer comfort, wisdom and understanding.

You were a "Forward Day by Day" Lenten meditation. You gave structure to my grief as I moved towards the day of dread.

I am good for another year.

Thank you everyone. Thank you darling daughter.

Mom/Nancy

Anton's almost a year old!

There really IS a little boy underneath that hat.

Dirty Pillow

I have been a sleep talker for years. But it wasn't until I got married that I had someone to regularly chronicle the crazy things I said.
While DougieFresh and I were still dating, I said the sweetest thing in my sleep:

" Look honey! We made a circle!"

:::

While engaged to be married and looking forward to Christmas, I made a million batches of Christmas cookies, gaining the first few pounds of "I'm not single anymore" weight. One night I said:

"I'm making DANGEROUS cookies."

:::

Closer to the wedding, knee deep in planning, inviting, dieting and smoking, I said this in my sleep:

"God Help Me."

:::

A year or so into our marriage I shouted this to my DougieFresh in my sleep:

"F U C K. Y O U."

:::

Last year I said this:

"SHUT the FUCK up."

:::

And lastly, a few nights ago as DougieFresh climbed into bed next to me, I was already asleep and obviously confused...and I said:

"Hey. You're not Dad."

? ? ?

So tell me. Any of you said anything crazy, stupid, ridiculous in your sleep, or am I the only one?