Tuesday, June 13, 2006

~:B A D * P U P P Y:~

Bad puppy? Bad mother! This morning I slept until 8:30. Cloudy. A little cooler, yes. But I should have known today was going to start out wretched. I get BjornShit out of his crate and the very second we go downstairs and right before I put the leash on him, at the door, he pees right there on the rug. Little fucker. I BAHHHHED him loudly and we went outside. There was a teensy weensy bit of moisture in the air which means, my friends, that pooping will be difficult. Turd courting, A DougieFresh calls it, is not easy for a finicky toy dog. No poop this morning means back into the crate. We tried again after my shower. No luck then, either. I am at a loss. While away at PC critiquing last night, BjornShit had a blast in the living room, peeing and pooping like there was no tomorrow. I found that this morning. So I am not happy. We had a trainer, (who, quite frankly, I am not happy with) come for a few visits. She's from Bark Busters. $400.00 later we are still in the same mess we were in a year ago. I'm just not cut out for this stuff. I am a bad mother. Bjorn's behavior is a direct reaction to my own behavior. That's how it goes between parents and their kids. I am ready to give up.

I had nightmares all last night of aliens attacking the planet and keeping a very watchful eye over me. I kept trying to call Doug, but couldn't get him. They were keeping him away from me. They were watching me and Bimp and waiting for him to be born so they could take him away from me.

"But you can't have him" I said.

"Of course we can. How do you think we got your first one, Anne?"

They took my first. And there's nothing I can do about it. And they're letting my second make it to term before they take him away, too. This helplessness. This fear. I can't stand it.

"WAKE UP, Anne" I said to myself. Wake up I did.

I hate not having control. I hate the unknown. Fuck wonder.


minus five said...

i hate bad dreams like that. so i'm sorry you had one. as for the dog, who knows? my dog mildred did the same kind of things when my schedule changed or when she was generally upset about my lack of attention. it's amazing how much dogs are like people; still as difficult to figure out sometimes. i don't think a $400 trainer could help me break the code to some people i've encountered in my life.

Harpy said...

Dear LovelyMothertobeAnne,
Tell BjornShit I pee ON humans at the park, ON people's newspapers in front of their doors, ON steps to glamourous residences, ON women's purses sitting RIGHT BESIDE them, and it's real fun. And then I take a nap. Much better then pooping, although I do that in public places as well. Because I can. Mu ha ha.
SawyCat (aka Pele the dog)

Mary Campbell said...

Nightmares are the worst...especially ones that rattle one's psyche...and incorrigible dogs are annoying...Fox is the most stubborn little beast I've ever encountered...with the exception of myself...I don't know what to tell you about the poop and pee problem...we battle that one at my abode as well...I have somewhat given up on trying to mold my savage terrier into the show dog I know he could be. Hang in there...you are going to be a great mom and you will have a beautiful, amazing child.

Tania Rochelle said...

Here's what happens to us very imperfect mothers who truly love our kids and try our flawed best:

We have an offbeat brat like Lo, who gave me a burp-kiss in front of the babysitter because I was leaving her to go to work. Nothing like having your kid burp in your mouth--in front of another mom...

Oh no, the aliens wouldn't have her.

Anne Elser said...


God bless you. You always have a way of whisking away
whatever panic I'm feeling with your honesty, humor
and genuine dose of raw reality. That's what's so
beautiful about you.



And to you all - God bless you, too. This is free therapy, ya know?