Monday, May 29, 2006
~:D E A R * S A R A H:~
What started out as a really nice day quickly turned ugly. Doug and I decided to clean out the guest bedroom to get it ready for Bimp. This bedroom has, within the 3 short years we've lived in this house, turned into a horrifically disorganized storage space. "Where do we put THIS ugly thing, or broken thing, honey? Wait! Don't throw that OUT. I'll fix it later. We NEED it." Those are the kinds of conversations we had each time the door to this room got opened or shut.
Lordy. I should have known better than to try tackling this task today. But it has to be done, or Bimpie sleeps with Bjorn, which would get us into a lot of trouble. After just one hour, I'm regretting every little knick knack I saved, every photo, sketchbook, book, broken something, poster, postcard, xmas card, schnittle... you name it. We've kept it. So I'm feeling out of control by 2:00 in the afternoon. My life's dirty, messy, cluttered. I am unprepared for parenthood. I would have liked to have cleaned the house today, but now I've got an unpacked room of trinkets and bad memories AND a dirty house.
Little Bjorn's downstairs being ignored. Even HE'S dirty. So he gets a bath. And I'm mad at him for squirming. So I'm yelling. Doug's upstairs fumbling in the attic. I've just returned from Kroger to get hamburger makings and managed to snag the very last bag of buns (these are the soft white boring kind) and have unpacked my bags only to realize I've forgotten the fucking beef. Kill me now. Did I mention I'm pregnant, too? Hot, fat, bloated and hormonal? And that I cried during the last half of Yoga class Saturday morning?
Doug (who has been SUCH a great husband these past few months) goes back to Kroger to get the meat. I decide that I can't stand one more second of animal hair on the floor, so I get the vacuum out. After Bjorn pees on the floor, Doug puts him in his crate to nap. Yes. We are going to be really great parents. Hmmm. So the floor's clean but I'm fuming by now, practically in tears by the time Doug gets back.
So what do I do now? What therapy can ease my grief, my anger, my feeling of loss of control and resignation? My fear? Ah ha!! I will take Sarah's Rock Bottom sticker photos! Of all four of us!! It took all of 5 minutes to take them and I had a really good laugh afterwards. As did Doug. So thanks for the catharsis. We needed it.