Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Dirty Pillow

I have been a sleep talker for years. But it wasn't until I got married that I had someone to regularly chronicle the crazy things I said.
While DougieFresh and I were still dating, I said the sweetest thing in my sleep:

" Look honey! We made a circle!"


While engaged to be married and looking forward to Christmas, I made a million batches of Christmas cookies, gaining the first few pounds of "I'm not single anymore" weight. One night I said:

"I'm making DANGEROUS cookies."


Closer to the wedding, knee deep in planning, inviting, dieting and smoking, I said this in my sleep:

"God Help Me."


A year or so into our marriage I shouted this to my DougieFresh in my sleep:

"F U C K. Y O U."


Last year I said this:

"SHUT the FUCK up."


And lastly, a few nights ago as DougieFresh climbed into bed next to me, I was already asleep and obviously confused...and I said:

"Hey. You're not Dad."

? ? ?

So tell me. Any of you said anything crazy, stupid, ridiculous in your sleep, or am I the only one?


minus five said...

my sister is a sleep talker. not only would i laugh at her and tell her about it the next day, i would also talk back to her. i'd try to stretch the conversation out as long as i could.

i'd say something more absurd than what she said and i'd usually try to make it about another subject entirely, to see if she would follow my lead and for how long.

Nancy said...

I awakened one night, finding a long silky rat next to me in bed. Horrified and fearing that it might bite Tom, I very slowly, inch by inch slid out of our bed, crawled across the floor into the bathroom and turned on the light.

Nancy: Psssst! Tom!!

Tom: (only lifting his head) "wha?"

Nancy: Don't move!

Tom: (not moving) Why not?

Nancy: (pointing at his arm) There's a RAT in our bed.

Tom: where?

Nancy: (pointing) there!!!

Tom: (pointing with his nose) there?

Nancy: yes!

Tom: that's my arm.

Nancy: oh

Relieved, I returned to snuggle next to my hirsute husband. He was now wide awake but I quickly fell asleep securly wrapped in his furry arm.

aud said...

I've been told I talk about type and concepts. So not hot.

debbie millman said...

God, I love that pillowcase.

Anne Elser said...

Sarah - Doug does the same thing to me - laughs and tries to get more out of me. It always makes me mad.

Aud - come ON! Type???? WTF?

Mom - Dad's harry enough to be mistaken by a rat even when awake, no?

Debbie - Thanks! I made a needlepoint pillow with pink flowers and the word fart, too. Course, this fuck you pillow was a photoshop deal. I want one fo real.

Lynn said...

I'd rather not repeat what I HEARD that I've said in my sleep :)

But I'm more of a sleep WALKER, or at least I used to be... classic story from when I first starting working right out of college. I was in training for a week and my roommate told me that I jumped out of my bed one night and just starting crawling on the floor mumbling all kinds of things! SCARY!!!!

and when I was about 9, I went sleepwalking at the Omni Hotel in ATL while we were on at a convention for my church. It just so happened that my mother was getting ON the elevator on another floor and caught me as I was making my way down the floors on the elevator... CRAZY!

Tania Rochelle said...

My sleeping ex-husband once said, "I'm going to get me some good hole."

He did a lot of that, I think.