Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Da Flood

The rain caused our back porch to flood and seeped into the floor of my studio. Kind of a mess and a bit of panic. Nothing was damaged, though my carpet stinks. It needed cleaning anyway. It was interesting, working through the challenge of a flood with Doug. We made it through and I think calmly. That's another notch in our belt.

Funny thing about marriage. My idea of a perfect one has certainly been challenged. The vows we took so many years ago can be rewritten daily if we want to. It's constantly being reinvented. And we're both of us going through a great number of spiritual transformations. It is an awesome thing to watch happen. Again, my idea of God was the big rusty cog in my understanding of this life and how things work and can/should be. Once that changed, I broadened and I feel a great weight has been lifted off me.

The parental God, the christian God keeps you needy, guilty, ashamed, weak and helpless. It keeps you bound to things, people and obligations. It shales all personal responsibility off your shoulders. It comes at a huge price of OWING and atoning for your natural shortcomings.

This new god is about love only. No debt. No shame. No guilt. All love. It's all love. And I am strong. And things happen as they should, comfortable or not. It's all great information to bring me closer to the god I know I am. I am responsible for my own pace, my own learning, my own choices. And there is no fear. If I see it or feel it, I look right at it and ask it what it's telling me. The way through working through your fears is the only way.

God isn't fear anymore. It's all okay.

1 comment:

Lisa Holtzman said...

Sorry about the flood, but nice going on the spiritual front!