Monday, July 12, 2010

The Gift of Chaos


I hate it when my world turns upside down. I resent how it disrupts the scaffolding I've so carefully constructed. Just now discovering the gift of the upset, I am trying to accept the flow, the new order of things in exchange for the release of all my pettiness.

Chaos always feels like failure. And it's always my fault, my making. But what of the "fault" was changed to the word "ownership?" Ownership means power and choice and a sense of purposefulness. It means there's a wisdom to the whole process of nature, of things seeming to "happen." The happening is of my own making. The happening has its own wisdom. And it comes from me because it surrounds me.

Chaos is a gift. It is part of invention's ingenuity. It is pure creativity. And the discomfort is divine. I give myself to the discomfort. I am my own god. I make myself. My own Maker, I send love to the cells of chaos.

2 comments:

Olga said...

Anne-

wow, what a great insight. Powerful. Inspirational. Awesome.

Submission to, and the subsequent enjoyment of discomfort on an intellectual and creative level is a totally new concept to me, but it makes so much sense and I am eager to explore this.

Thank you for sharing.

Olga

Anne-Davnes Dusenberry Elser said...

I have yet to reach the place of enjoying the discomfort. Today I tried resting in it, asking what it had to teach me - allowing it to hurt and knowing that the result is growth. It's a labor pain. A contraction. I am birthing something new. And FUCK it hurts! Writing about it helps a great deal. Also, chocolate helps a great deal. :)