Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Ode to Bjorn
Feeling pretty lousy today. Doug and I decided to finally give Bjorn back to the breeder, after a long struggle to correct his increasingly aggressive behavior. I think he needs to live with a pack again and be with someone who can afford to retrain him, pay for the surgery he needs to fix his liver shunt and possibly find him a new home. I'm trying to convince myself that I did the best I could but am still horrified at how badly things went wrong with him. He's started to make Anton cry with his outbursts and I'm exhausted by the tension and fear in our house. I feel like a failure.
We will deliver Bjorn on Saturday afternoon. I am not looking forward to it. This is agony. And I feel so silly for crying so hard. But Bjorn was my first child, we got after we lost our own first child. So this is really painful. I miss him already. I won't miss the tension he's caused, but I'll miss all the good stuff. The cuddles and licks and games of fetch and lap time and sharing him with so many people who smiled by just looking at him.
My sweet furry puppy.
My monkey mouse.
My little muffin tin.
My little sample size of spray starch.
My little hello kitty wrist watch.
My little pile of fabric scraps.
My little assortment of cheese cubes.
My little tray of bite sized cucumber sandwiches.
My little vintage thimble.
My little shot of whisky.
My little cube of sugar.
My little dash of Splenda.
My little flask of gin.
My little night light.
My puppy mouse.
I love you.
PS: Someday I will get a female Eskie and name her Inga.